This Week's Get Out of Town

“I’m not talking about the kind of clothes she wears
Look at that stupid girl
I’m not talking about the way she combs her hair
Look at that stupid girl
The way she powders her nose
Her vanity shows and it shows
She’s the worst thing in this world
Look at that stupid girl”
- Rolling Stones, “Stupid Girl”

Because of that quoted lyric, along with some other things that you’re about to read, you may think that I’m a misogynistic pig. Well, I’m not…at least I don’t think I am. I’m a huge proponent of feminist rights; some of my favorite musicians include pro-female writers such as Lucinda Williams, P.J. Harvey, and Sleater-Kinney. I must admit, though, that I loathe the WNBA.
And we all know that I love the female form. I love a woman’s mind, but I’m the first to admit that I have lustful feelings for beautiful women. Despite what some of my acquaintances say, I don’t have a type. Blondes, brunettes, redheads; short and tall, librarian types and strippers – I love them all.
Now some may say there’s a few conflicts in those statements, but I honestly believe one can balance the opposing viewpoints. I believe one can have lengthy discussions over the oppression that’s present against women one minute and ogle Jenna Jameson the next.
Ok, with the lengthy disclaimer over it’s now time to attack. The other night I was flipping the channels and happened upon the finale of Survivor, a show that I refuse to follow until they get rid of Jeff Probst and his corny clichés. A few days ago I had tuned into an episode to see two extremely lazy women who thought that because they were hot they didn’t have to do anything but lay around. The blonde bimbo babbled at the tribal council that she was in charge of the camp and everything that occurred went through her. Moments later she was voted out in a landslide. The next day, even after watching the broadcasts, she still couldn’t figure out why people didn’t like her.
So when I tuned in on Sunday I was shocked to find that her buddy was one of the two finalists, and ultimately won by a landslide. How could this happen? Did the deaf girl hit her head on a rock? Were the guys mesmerized by her fake breasts? After pondering over this for the next day or so I came to a conclusion – this is the year of the stupid girl…and it has to end. Today.
You think that Survivor was a fluke? Let’s look at other elements of the entertainment world. In music you have Avril Lavigne, Christina Aguilera, the Dixie Chicks, and Britney Spears. Not an extra IQ point to be found. Judging vocalists on the horrifying awful American Idol you have Paula Abdul, who’s never had a bad word for any vocalist with more talent than her…in other words every karaoke singer in the world.
In politics you have the lipstick Republicans who make token appearances on every talk show in the country. These bimbos may look ok with their micro-miniskirts and long, flowing hair, but they have nary an idea that wasn’t hypnotized into their miniscule brains.
And then there’s the not-so-triumphant return of Monica Lewinsky. Yes, the casting couch is alive and well. You can’t even use the joke of “who’d she blow to get that gig?” Even worse than her is the contestant on Lewinsky’s show. Despite the ridiculous gimmick of having these morons wear hockey masks, she somehow manages to babble all the clichés of “finding her soul mate”.
And while we’re on the subject of soul mates, this whole prime-time dating disaster has to end. At least on 5th Wheel, Blind Date and Elimidate, you know these camera whores are just looking for that big-break that’s never going to come. On shows like Bachelor/Bachelorette/Married in America the women have only one goal in life – to get married to a rich man. No career goals, no search for compatible attitudes and tastes. Just an attitude of “I’m not getting any younger; I gotta get hitched!”
There’s so many more examples I could slander, from anyone who’s ever appeared on E! to Katie Couric and Kelly Ripa to anyone who’s ever co-starred in a movie with Freddie Prinze Jr. But since the Get Out of Town segment is geared to kicking the locals to the curb, let’s throw in a semi-famous television personality to the mix. I must admit that this person is very beautiful, and truth be told I wouldn’t pass up an opportunity to spend a few hours with her. But I cringe whenever I see the commercials for her unnecessary country video show, or the many products she hawks….although I do sort of like the tanning salon commercial. But really, folks, what is Ms. Fischer’s reason for being on the air besides a pretty face and a skinny body? It’s certainly not her voice or her on-air presence. It’s not because she believes in country music so much that she just has to show those same videos you can see on CMT on any given moment. No, it’s because some ad guy knows he can use her body to sell commercials to sleazy, middle-aged business owners. C’mon, Steph, there’s gotta be a Hooters somewhere that’s hiring.


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