Tuesday, May 27, 2003

Get Outta Town May 28
(May 28) This week, y’all are listening to a new and improved Scott Hudson. After some vicious swats at some ignorant twits, I’m here this week to help people – to help nurture people’s lives.
Sure, I’m kicking some people out of town, but I’m doing it in a positive matter. I’m providing hope that even morons can change, and have fun doing it.
Why the sudden change in my attitude? Well, this past weekend, while everyone else was filling their bellies with beer, brats, and crack, I was actually getting some exercise. On both Sunday and Monday, I spent the majority of the afternoon on the bike trails, pushing my chubby little body to heights it hadn’t seen in weeks…or month. Hell, years actually. From my home in the Southeast suburbs I made my way to the million dollar softball diamonds to the fields behind Cade’s apartment to downtown to Great Plains Coffee for a Red Bull and a water, back through downtown and to Falls Park and then finally back home. I hadn’t worked out that much since the little gymnast girl left my life!
So this week’s edition is sort of like KELO’s silly little helpful hints…like how to shovel snow, rake your leaves, or how to safely use your grill. You know, common sense…but from what I saw this past weekend common sense isn’t so common on the bike trails.
I’m going to read off a few helpful hints…and those that don’t follow these seemingly obvious courtesies can stay the hell of the bike trails.
First off, while they are for everyone they are called the bike trails. I have nothing against people walking them, but maybe those little old ladies in their embroidered sweat suits should stick to mall walking. I thought this problem would have disappeared with the opening of Krispy Kreme…god knows it was worthy of shutting down a lane of traffic. But these women just have to walk next to each other, and really don’t care who is approaching them from behind. Get the hell out of the way! Maybe we could start a little game – five points for hitting the inside hag, ten for the outside. A pair warrants a double score.
Along the same line, if you are on bikes keep your eyes on what’s ahead of you. If you’re riding in pairs and someone’s coming up to you, get into single file. There should also be that same awareness to what’s coming from behind. One middle-aged man got an earful out of me when his wretched family forced me into the grass. Common courtesy, people.
And if your kid has just taken off his training wheels, maybe he’s not quite ready for the bike trails. They just don’t have the balance, nor do they have the mental capacity, for riding in a straight line. I saw a beautiful young woman in a sports bra and bike shorts almost wipe out because this three year old suddenly decided to do a U-turn. Safety first, people.
It’s also likely you’re going to run into someone you know. If that happens, don’t stop in the middle of the trail to have your little family reunion. Take a couple of steps off the trails and then you can babble about the weather for hours and hours without getting in anyone’s way.
Another trend that made me laugh more than once were the bicyclists carrying a payload of accessories. Do you really need to carry a boombox? Like high wattage car stereos, it’s always the people with the worst musical taste that enforces their music on everyone else. Trust me, nobody, and I mean nobody, wants to hear the crap you’re playing.
And what’s with the people fishing? Really, what the hell would you do with anything that you’d catch in the Big Sioux River? Has anyone came up with a recipe for carp?
Finally, I must comment on the fashion. I don’t know how many times I saw a family that featured a father wearing that ultimate exercise outfit – sandals with colored socks, an untucked button-down dress shirt, and Al Bundy pants. Not only does it look bad, but it can’t feel good. Invest in some cheap tennis shoes and shorts and throw on a t-shirt.
Despite what you’ve heard in the past few minutes, I did enjoy myself this past weekend. And those sharing the trails with me weren’t just little old ladies, transients, and beer guts. The bike trails is a great place for my number one hobby – leering at hot young women. They’re all over the place. Tanned shapely legs, skintight biker shorts or low-on-the hips sweats shorts, flat bellies sparkling with light sweat, revealing tank tops. Ok, I know what I’m doing tonight!

Tuesday, May 20, 2003

Get Outta Town May 21
I’ve got a lot to rant about today, so I’ll jump right in. This past week wasn’t one of my best – sometimes even a boring person like myself finds himself overwhelmed with drama.
Ok, nothing was really that bad…they were truthfully little more than annoyances. But everyday there seemed to be something new.
I’ll refrain from babbling about the work-related problems such as the reappearance of someone from my past at one of my stores, or the middle-aged spinster stirring up trouble at another. No, we’ll talk only about my sad, despressing life.
The misery started shortly after I left the KRRO studio last Wednesday morning when I received a message on my cell phone from my buddy Cade. It seems that some a certain little beauty queen wasn’t too happy with last week’s rant against stupid girls. For a brief time, I actually felt a little bad…maybe I had crossed the line when I sent the would-be television personality packing.
But then the emails started pouring in from people whose paths had crossed with the dark-haired diva-in-training. One that caught my interest was from an actor/writer/producer of a certain locally-produced late-night comedy. They had received a similar wrath without even mentioning her name. On one of their telecasts they had made a little crack about a crappy country video show, and she was not happy. She was going to get them fired; her clients were going to pull their ads; they were going to have their testicles tore off; etc. Ok, that last one was an exaggeration, but you get the idea.
So this week I’ll say to hell with her. Sorry, babe, but when you’re in the media not everyone is going to love you. You’re cute as hell, but prima donna attitudes don’t fly in a small city such as ours. Just ask a certain KSFY anchor with a well-known love of alcohol.
On to the next subject. I think everyone knows that I’m a collector…not just of music but movies, tv shows, and all other sorts of pop culture. I’ve got a pretty massive collection of CD’s, DVD’s, magazines, and video tapes. I’m such a fanatic that I truly believe that new release day, Tuesday, should be a national holiday for everyone but record and video store clerks.
I’m also very impatient. If I want something, I want it now. That’s where my downloading habits come into play. If something’s not available, I’ll download it. That’s how I came into owning a copy of every single concert of Paul Westerberg’s 2002 tour. That’s how I obtained the entire second season of the Osbournes. They’re not out yet and I have to have them. When and if they are released I’ll buy them.
In recent weeks, my computer has been running non-stop capturing copies of some of the current blockbuster movies. I found Rob Zombie’s movie a few weeks ago, and I also recently made copies of X-Men 2 and the Matrix Reloaded.
Now keep in mind that these copies are, at best, video-tape quality. And the theaters still get my hard-earned cash as either I or my son still go to see them on the big screen. I just can’t wait until Christmas to watch it in my home.
Last week, I made a stupid error. X-Men 2 had been a long-running topic on my message board (shudson.hyperboards2.com) so I offered burned copies of this flick to my friends. Thursday I was checking my email and found a threatening letter from the MPAA (Motion Picture Association of America). Somehow they had found my messageboard and concluded that I was “offering unauthorized product”. Supposedly I am now being investigated and they claim they’re contacting my provider to shut my site down. Yes, Big Brother is watching!
Finally, I received a call from my son on Thursday night. Every summer we go to a couple of concerts. Usually, it’s one somewhat current act and the other is a legend. Two years ago the legend was Bob Dylan and the current acts were a REM/Wilco pairing. Last year it was Paul Westerberg and Green Day/Blink 182. Alec called me after discovering that the White Stripes were signed to play in St. Paul on July 3. After doing my own research, I discovered that there was an internet pre-sale on Friday at 10. Coincidently, there was also a Tom Petty pre-sale at the same time.
So I signed up to the Tom Petty fan club and got the presale password. Further investigation came up with the White Stripes password. On Friday morning, I sat down and first went after White Stripes tickets. But the tickets were general admission so I could have waited. I then went after Tom Petty and was sort of happy to receive 22nd row.
The next day tickets went on sale to the public for Petty. One of my employees somehow got first row tickets; another friend got second row. Although I’m happy for those people, and I’m not saying I deserve their seats, but a question immediately comes to mind. What is the purpose of fanclub presales? Isn’t the purpose of these programs to reward the hardcore fans with some of the best tickets?
One more quirk in the Petty saga. I have a friend who currently lives in Malaysia (seriously) and he’s the biggest Petty fan in the world. Scary, I know. He was planning on coming home for a visit this summer, and when it was announced that Petty’s tour was opening in Sioux Falls, he moved up his travel plans. He also jumped on the presale and came up with tickets similar to mine. As a lark, he started snooping around for better tickets. A ticket scalping company in Los Angeles had front row seats to our show! How the hell did they get those? Did the line at the Arena have some less than scrupulous purchasers? Are the promoters lining their pockets? Or is this another Clear Channel scam? Remember, they run the facility. Inquiring minds want to know.
So that’s three days in the boring life of Scott Hudson. No social life, no beautiful babes sharing my bed, but lots of rage against imaginary machines. But Johnny Rotten once sang, “anger is an energy”. I guess I’m a pretty energetic guy.

Tuesday, May 13, 2003

This Week's Get Out of Town

“I’m not talking about the kind of clothes she wears
Look at that stupid girl
I’m not talking about the way she combs her hair
Look at that stupid girl
The way she powders her nose
Her vanity shows and it shows
She’s the worst thing in this world
Look at that stupid girl”
- Rolling Stones, “Stupid Girl”

Because of that quoted lyric, along with some other things that you’re about to read, you may think that I’m a misogynistic pig. Well, I’m not…at least I don’t think I am. I’m a huge proponent of feminist rights; some of my favorite musicians include pro-female writers such as Lucinda Williams, P.J. Harvey, and Sleater-Kinney. I must admit, though, that I loathe the WNBA.
And we all know that I love the female form. I love a woman’s mind, but I’m the first to admit that I have lustful feelings for beautiful women. Despite what some of my acquaintances say, I don’t have a type. Blondes, brunettes, redheads; short and tall, librarian types and strippers – I love them all.
Now some may say there’s a few conflicts in those statements, but I honestly believe one can balance the opposing viewpoints. I believe one can have lengthy discussions over the oppression that’s present against women one minute and ogle Jenna Jameson the next.
Ok, with the lengthy disclaimer over it’s now time to attack. The other night I was flipping the channels and happened upon the finale of Survivor, a show that I refuse to follow until they get rid of Jeff Probst and his corny clichés. A few days ago I had tuned into an episode to see two extremely lazy women who thought that because they were hot they didn’t have to do anything but lay around. The blonde bimbo babbled at the tribal council that she was in charge of the camp and everything that occurred went through her. Moments later she was voted out in a landslide. The next day, even after watching the broadcasts, she still couldn’t figure out why people didn’t like her.
So when I tuned in on Sunday I was shocked to find that her buddy was one of the two finalists, and ultimately won by a landslide. How could this happen? Did the deaf girl hit her head on a rock? Were the guys mesmerized by her fake breasts? After pondering over this for the next day or so I came to a conclusion – this is the year of the stupid girl…and it has to end. Today.
You think that Survivor was a fluke? Let’s look at other elements of the entertainment world. In music you have Avril Lavigne, Christina Aguilera, the Dixie Chicks, and Britney Spears. Not an extra IQ point to be found. Judging vocalists on the horrifying awful American Idol you have Paula Abdul, who’s never had a bad word for any vocalist with more talent than her…in other words every karaoke singer in the world.
In politics you have the lipstick Republicans who make token appearances on every talk show in the country. These bimbos may look ok with their micro-miniskirts and long, flowing hair, but they have nary an idea that wasn’t hypnotized into their miniscule brains.
And then there’s the not-so-triumphant return of Monica Lewinsky. Yes, the casting couch is alive and well. You can’t even use the joke of “who’d she blow to get that gig?” Even worse than her is the contestant on Lewinsky’s show. Despite the ridiculous gimmick of having these morons wear hockey masks, she somehow manages to babble all the clichés of “finding her soul mate”.
And while we’re on the subject of soul mates, this whole prime-time dating disaster has to end. At least on 5th Wheel, Blind Date and Elimidate, you know these camera whores are just looking for that big-break that’s never going to come. On shows like Bachelor/Bachelorette/Married in America the women have only one goal in life – to get married to a rich man. No career goals, no search for compatible attitudes and tastes. Just an attitude of “I’m not getting any younger; I gotta get hitched!”
There’s so many more examples I could slander, from anyone who’s ever appeared on E! to Katie Couric and Kelly Ripa to anyone who’s ever co-starred in a movie with Freddie Prinze Jr. But since the Get Out of Town segment is geared to kicking the locals to the curb, let’s throw in a semi-famous television personality to the mix. I must admit that this person is very beautiful, and truth be told I wouldn’t pass up an opportunity to spend a few hours with her. But I cringe whenever I see the commercials for her unnecessary country video show, or the many products she hawks….although I do sort of like the tanning salon commercial. But really, folks, what is Ms. Fischer’s reason for being on the air besides a pretty face and a skinny body? It’s certainly not her voice or her on-air presence. It’s not because she believes in country music so much that she just has to show those same videos you can see on CMT on any given moment. No, it’s because some ad guy knows he can use her body to sell commercials to sleazy, middle-aged business owners. C’mon, Steph, there’s gotta be a Hooters somewhere that’s hiring.

Tuesday, May 06, 2003

This Week's Get Outta Town
It seems like just yesterday that you couldn’t turn on the television without a barrage of political ads. Or open your mailbox without a pile of mostly untrue campaign literature. Or turn on the AM talkshows without hearing how certain candidates didn’t care about South Dakota.
Well, it was seven months ago, and even though we’re a year and a half away from the next election, it’s time to start preparing. At least that’s what two half-wits recently announced. Robert Regier, executive director of the Rushmore Policy Council, and local businessman Paul Erickson, not to be confused with the local musician and Elvis Costello fan of the same name, are in the process of raising almost a million bucks to complain that a certain Democrat is “an obscenity” whose defeat would be a “political act of hygiene”.
I’m not saying that I’m necessarily of fan of Senator Daschle. There are certainly reasons to not support his political campaign. But an “obscenity”? C’mon.
This is an example of the dark side of politics in the 21st century. Fools on both sides of the political spectrum look at the world as black and white. But nothing is that easy. The world is actually many, many shades of grey, and both sides have their positives and negatives.
And let’s be fair. Whether you agree with Daschle or not, is he really evil? Is any politician truly evil? Ok, maybe Jesse Helms. Or Edward Kennedy. Or Janklow. Hell, Dick Cheney scares me sometimes. But an opposing viewpoint does not mean one is aligned with Satan.
Going off on a tangent, I have to include a rant a bit about the controversies surrounding the Dixie Chicks, Tim Robbins, and Hollywood in general. Who really cares what these people think? They have every right to have their opinions, no matter how unpopular they may be.
The reaction to these people’s opinions have been completely over the top. Radio is no longer playing the Dixie Chicks, which may be a dream come true to someone who hates them as much as I do, but let’s ban them due to musical incompetency rather than a silly thing that one of them said on the stage. As for Robbins and Sarandon, they’ve been consistent in their feelings regarding the concept of war. After all, they blasted Clinton in the 90’s when we were in Kosovo.
Speaking of inconsistent, I have a trivia question. What talk show host said the following regarding said action in Kosovo – “Support the troops but don’t support the policy”? Rush Limbaugh, the same man leading the charge against anyone who spoke out against the war in Iraq.
And if we strive to be consistent, if one is to rant against the political talk of actors and musicians, then that has to go across the board. Charlton Heston should keep his comments to the movie screen, as should Bruce Willis and Arnold Swartzenegger. Toby Keith and Travis Twit’s words should also be taken with a grain of salt. If “liberal” Hollywood and Nashville aren’t allowed to have opinions, then neither should the conservative side of the street…and trust me, there’s more conservatism in the entertainment world than the conservative media would lead you to believe.
What really gets me is the people who proclaim they’ll never see a movie featuring certain actor or buy an album by that artist because of something that Bill O’Reilly quoted them as saying. What’s next – every album will include a sticker stating their political believes? Movies will replace the PG and R ratings with L and C?
I can’t imagine using politics as the main method for choosing my entertainment. If a song moves me or a movie features great acting and a great story, I could care less about their opinions on President Bush or global warming.
But back to the topic on hand today. Regier and Erickson plan on a full blitzkrieg of negative ads to start as soon as possible, and I shudder at these thoughts. Who really wants a return to “wiggle wiggle”, unflattering photos, and half-truths? Why can’t we have a campaign where the issues are fairly debated on a timely basis? Like maybe the week before the election?