Hudson's Holiday Shopping Tips

I’m going to begin today’s rambling tirade with an update that should have been on the local news but didn’t fit the plotline. Last week both the local and national news had story after story of people stupidly standing in line for PS3’s. Game geeks with no lives (and obviously no jobs) camped out in front of retail outlets such as Best Buy and Wal-Mart for these game systems that conveniently were being short-shipped. All of these retailers, along with Sony, received millions of dollars of free advertising.
Saturday, the day after the system was released, the media had a follow-up of sorts, reporting on the exorbitant amount of money that supposedly everybody was making on Ebay sales of these systems. Sure, the first few dozen – primarily those sold on the east coast or at midnight sales – were able to latch onto morons with too much spare change. But the real story is that the majority of purchasers looking for that quick profit were lucky to even make their initial purchase price. Obviously, that story should have been also reported, but it didn’t fit into the “capitalism at its best/worst” storyline.
As stupid as those people with dreams of 500% profits are, those who actually waited in line for three days to play the damn thing are even dumber. Besides the fact that within a week or two every store will be fully stocked, Sony is infamous for releasing new game systems filled with glitches. Already there are reports of problems with, there are only a handful of games available. Why wouldn’t you just wait until they have the damn thing perfected?
This incident is the perfect opening for a rant I must make every year at this time. This Friday, thousands of Hudsonland citizens will forget about common sense and get out of bed hours before any sane person would even consider. That’s right, The Biggest Shopping Day of the Year, or as I like to call it, the biggest shoppers of the year. Overweight clems will trample each other for right to grab the trendy toy of the season. Poor husbands are stuck two steps behind carrying sacks and sacks of junk.
Why do people put themselves through this misery? Don’t give me any song and dance that stores are full of once-a-year prices. You’ll see the same, if not better, prices as the holidays approach. As for the “I have to get my presents before they run out” excuse, there is this thing called restocks. Stores do continue to bring in product all through the holiday season…including PS3’s.
Since I obviously don’t participate in this stupidity, I’m sure some of you are asking why I’m whining. Well, I am forced to share the streets with these morons, and judging by their driving skills I shouldn’t be surprised that these people feel the need to waste their day in crowded stores. With that in mind, I have some Hudsonland tips:
  1. Remember there are other cars on the road. Use your turn signals, stay off your goddamn cell phones, and know where you’re going. Most importantly, be courteous. The world doesn’t belong to you. If you find yourself in the left hand lane when Wal-Mart’s on your right, keep going ahead and backtrack. You have no right to hold up three lanes of traffic to make that turn.

  2. Use proper parking lot etiquette. If you’re so worried about dents, maybe you should take a different vehicle. No car is so nice that it deserves two parking spots in a crowded lot. If you have a giant pickup, pull as far ahead as possible. Driving through a lot shouldn’t seem like navigating an obstacle course. And maybe your heavyweight wife should get some needed exercise by actually walking to and from the car instead of holding up traffic in front of the store.

  3. I can’t emphasize enough that you’re not the only people in the mall, or an individual store. You can’t have your entire family walk side-by-side at crawling speed. Keep those goddamn empty carts out of the narrow DVD aisles at Best Buy. Don’t congregate near the entrances. Don’t suddenly stop and turn around when it’s more than likely people are behind you. God, I hate being in stores this time of year!

  4. Restaurants are also busier than usual this time of year, so again think about others. Figure out what you want before it’s your turn to place your order. Have your money or check ready when it’s time to pay. Some of us don’t live your life of leisure; we have limited time to get in and out of these joints.
As usual, I could go on and on, but I’ll conclude with one last plea. If you’re going to spend hours and hours shopping during peak times, maybe you should find something for your kids to do. No child is going to enjoy these endeavors, and there’s not a bigger buzzkill than listening to a bunch of screaming brats whining and crying. Send them off to their friends; leave them at home; do anything. It’s bad enough that I have to maneuver around these little bastards when I do make my annual Christmas outing; having to hear them makes me thankful for Teagan the Ipod.


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