Who Gives a "F" About the Super Bowl Ads?

I’m not the biggest sports fan in the world, but I love Super Bowl Sunday. I follow football enough that I’m a pretty informed fan, but I’m not a clem who has to sit in front of the TV wearing my team’s latest jersey.
Like most of America, I was even more excited for this year’s game. Not because of the Patriots run towards immortality, but for that seemingly faint chance of them getting the smugness knocked off their face. And oh how much I wanted to see their awful fans crying in their beers.
The game itself could not have been more perfect. A great defensive struggle for the first three quarters that saw stupid Tom Brady knocked on his ass on almost every play, followed by a fourth quarter that saw plays that Hollywood would never dare script. Will anybody who is not a Patriots fan ever get tired of that scramble and catch play that set up the winning touchdown?
Yet as anybody who knows me may expect, there is something about the Super Bowl that drives me nuts. Come on, nothing in this cynical bastard’s life is perfect.
So here’s my bitch – enough about the goddamned commercials! I can’t stand to hear people say they look forward to the commercials, or they only watch for them. WTF? You actually enjoy seeing your intelligence insulted?
Thankfully, this game was for the ages so we didn’t hear as much about the ads the next day. But every year we see more analysis of the products advertised then we do the actual game. News shows, entertainment shows, talk radio, and even sports channels run through the so-called best and worst.
How can anybody tell the difference? They were all terrible. Oh look, there’s Shaq dressed as a jockey. Oh god, now stupid Justin Timberlake is pretending to like girls at the end of whatever soft drink he was hawking – give me a break.
Even worse were the ads directing you to go online to see the “full” ad. I don’t want to see any auto racers ever on my television or computer, and I’m not going to go to Go Daddy’s website to see the surely not-so-shocking “uncensored” Danica Patrick ad. Even worse, Fox at one point directed us to a website to see all the ads we might have missed. Why would anybody with any intelligence do that?
The overall worst, though, was Fox’s self-promotion. Is there anybody in this country that doesn’t know about that godawful American Idol? Do we really need to see those ads during every commercial break? Or the promos for that “very special episode” of House? Isn’t every episode a “very special episode” where House does something that nobody had ever done before? Please, please, please, I also beg you to never ever allow Paula Abdul to lip-synch ever again.
Since it’s likely to get even worse before it gets any better, I think it’s time to move the game away from the broadcast networks. I know this will never happen, but I’d happily pay more for HBO if I could get a commercial-free version of the game. Hell, simulcast the damned thing – the cheap bastards could watch it with ads on Fox or CBS and purists like me could pay for it. I’ll take anything to free me from birds dancing to “Thriller”.


Sorry to stray from the subject matter here, as I'm neither a football fan or a tv-watcher, but I'm excited about this and wanted to share it with you...
Yesterday I received my brand-spankin' new copy of "The Replacements~ All over but the shouting" an oral history by Jim Walsh. Are you familiar with this? I can't wait to start reading.
Oh and yeah, the reason that I'm not a tv-watcher is because I do not get off on having my intelligence insulted. I may miss out on some good programming but the ads, gawd! My life has not suffered at all from my choice.

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