Gimme Back the Real St. Patrick's Day!

One of my more surprising traits (or curses, depending on your opinion) is that I’m a traditionalist. I’m against the designated hitter, interleague play, three-step traveling non-calls, MP3-only releases, computer porn, Times Square and Vegas redone as Disney-ish family destinations, etc. etc. Yeah, I realize all of these examples perfectly fit the cliché that I’m a curmudgeon. Got a problem with that?
I especially hate when “The Man” turns good ol’ adult fun into family-friendly outings. There are certain events that have been built for at least decades, if not centuries, as times for adults to let out some steam.
St. Patrick’s Day is one of those days. There’s no other day in the year where it’s acceptable to sneak out of work a few hours early to get bombed. I can’t count the times that I’ve put in a half day, ended up at Skelly’s for a liquid lunch, hurled insults at politicians in the parade, and ended up home in bed by 8 p.m. Because it all happens so early in the day and evening, there’s rarely any aftereffects the next morning when I head back into my office at 8 a.m.
Leave it to our fine city to screw up my fun. With St. Patrick’s Day falling on a Tuesday, somebody in City Hall (or in some local bureaucratic office) decided to move up the holiday to Saturday. What a bonehead move!
For one thing, drinking early on a Saturday is no big deal. Give me a good game on the tube, and I’m doing exactly that anyway. Or I’m so hungover from the previous evening that I’m just entering the real world around the time the festivities began. Then one must pace themselves a bit throughout the day, as you can’t waste a weekend night by ending up passed out before Cops is even over.
I tried to play the game. I headed downtown an hour or so before the parade, only to find myself surrounded by shoppers and families. Ugh! At Skelly’s there was no sense that this was a special day. People were doing more eating than drinking. Silly green hats and buttons do not make the day!
Because of the lack of true revelry, I was still sober when the parade began. What a mistake! Come on, you have to be hammered to deal with any parade, let alone one in Sioux Falls. The only entertainment I had was watching the city’s political leaders avoid the horse poop that littered the street.
Worse yet, the parade seemed to go on forever! How could anybody sit through one of these? Finally, the last float came by, and I headed back to a bar…where I was almost the only person in the building (outside of the lone bartender, of course). I finally called my kid for a ride, and took a long nap before starting all over again.
It’s obvious to me why the city moved up the “official” St. Patrick’s party. It’s no longer a day for the Irish, or the drinkers, or the Irish drinkers. It’s now a sanctioned family event, with the goal to no longer be to let the working class have a day to let off some steam. Instead, it’s a glorified Crazy Days. Gather up the kids, and come downtown to buy some overpriced knickknacks and snacks while the city’s elite showcase their non-skills in a lame parade. No, no, no! Kids belong at the babysitters (or with family members) on this wonderful day of debauchery. What makes this even sadder is that the local media were in cahoots with this lame plan, making the real St. Patty’s Day came and go with almost no notice. We can’t let this happen next year, as Hump Day is THE perfect day for being drunk before sunset.


Anonymous said…
Or because of the Phillips Ave. construction?
Anonymous said…
Yes I have a problem with that. You're against computer porn? What the hell kind of attitude is that?! I just thing your social correctness stinks. Must be wearing your underwear too tight. Go find a large breasted friend with a nice caboose to brighten up your spring.
I recall the St. Pat parades being on weekdays. Then cranks like me called into the mayor's office and complained that I couldn't get out of the downtown parking garages because of the parade route. Then I contacted the Argus and accussing the city employees of holding parades when most people were at work or school, making the entire event not cost effective for anyone.
And I'm not sorry for yelling at these people. I sleep in on Saturday, and that's when the drunks can slobber all over themselves on the sidewalk. Besides, St. Pats is more fun at Scarlets anyway. So why don't you write an essay on the Scarlet girls. Get acquainted - maybe you'll find a mate. They play good music there too.
But's what's really killing me is not knowing how Battlestar G is going the end their frakk'in series! Can't wait for Friday.

You have a kid who drives? Holy crap, how old are you? ;-)

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