Five Sportscasters Who Need to Disappear

The beginning of November is a perfect time to take a look at sportscasters. Baseball has finally ended, basketball and hockey has just begun, and the NFL is halfway through their regular season.
With that in mind, I have come up with a short list of sports personalities who need to walk away from the game. Some of them were once great and are just past their prime; others have always been awful.
1. John Madden fits the once-great category. These days he just rambles on and on, rarely giving any of the insight that made him famous. If I have to once again hear him explain how the two-minute warning is like a fourth timeout, my television may end up in my front yard. And his slurping of Brett Favre is way out of hand. The guy could be five touchdowns behind with a minute left to play (a common occurrence these days) and Madden will still say “you can never count this man out”.
2. Tim McCarver fits into this same category. Although he’s obviously an intelligent man, his mantra seems to be “why explain a point in ten words when you can do it in 10,000?” A simple ground ball double play ends up being a ten-minute lesson on baseball fundamentals.
3. Joe Theismann easily possesses the biggest ego on television. It’s all about him. He’s famous for bragging that a successful play is exactly what he’d call or a he’d never call a play that didn’t work so well. You know, that’s pretty easy to say after the fact.
4. Michael Irvin’s ego isn’t too far behind Theismann’s. In his mind, a wide receiver is always right…particularly when they share his race. Coaches know nothing because they aren’t on the field, and he never lets pesky little things better known as facts get in the way of his misguided opinions.
5. Irvin’s radio partner, Dan Patrick is actually pretty good when he’s reading the teleprompter on Sportscenter. On his daily radio show, though, he’s insufferable. He’s the sports version of Pat O’Brien, name dropping has-been celebrities such as Hootie and “Fiddy” while refusing to let go of pseudo-controversies such as last summer’s Kenny Rogers incident. We get it, Dan, you think that Rogers should be banned from baseball. Please move on.
Finally, special mention must be made of the C-level John Madden wannabes that always are assigned Vikings games. I guess it’s where they belong, though, as the Vikings are certainly a C-level team…on their best weeks. But haven’t we all had enough of these clowns waxing poetic on how real football players have dirty uniforms.
This is another one of those lists that could go on forever, but at least I’ve discovered how to eliminate these people from my lives. All anybody has to do is turn on the closed captioning and crank some tunes on their stereo. Even Jock Jams is more entertaining than these morons!

Comments

Corey Vilhauer said…
Yes, at times Dan Patrick can be insufferable, but remember this: he's got to fill three hours worth of radio time, and most days there just isn't enough sports news to fill it all.

Case in point -- the Kenny Rogers debacle. If that wasn't during the dog days of summer, where no sports happen, would that have been a story?
Anonymous said…
Thank God someone else feels the same way as I do about the insufferable Michael Irvin. He is the most obnoxious commentator in sports today. In addition he is stupid, and I am being generous with that statement. His cream puff interviews of his fellow ego maniac footies are nauseating, especially when he is kissing the asses of people like Terrell Owens and Ray Lewis. But you forgot to adress Shannon Sharpe, quite possibly even more obnoxious, and certainly less understandable (what language is he speaking?) than that big mouth himself.
Anonymous said…
You forgot Travis from Smelo-land.

The guy plain SUCKS, and he dosen't even know it.

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