Three months or so ago, one of my online buddies approached me with an interesting idea. Being the webmaster at a number of reality TV sites, he had an idea for a blog to capture news, opinions, and rumors surrounding season 9 of Big Brother. Since I have no life, and love to babble my silly thoughts, I jumped at this chance.
I went into this project with realistically low expectations. I figured there would be the usual mix of cretins – a couple of hotties with no personalities, a pretty boy or two who would do nothing but wander about with no shirt, the token gay guy who thinks he represents all gays, a geek who thinks he knows everything, and a single mom or two to make the housewives weep at their sob story.
The beginning of the first episode seemed to bear out these reality television clichés. Bimbos? Check. Himbos? Check. Gay guy? Of course. Each person that was introduced seemed to come straight from reality casting.
Then I saw the woman who changed my TV life…or at least my winter TV viewing. The moment I laid eyes on her I knew she was going to be special. Sprorting flawless skin, a hipster haircut, and a smoking little body, I immediately knew I’d be paying special attention to this gorgeous creature.
Her name was Chelsia Hart, and if I use the standards of my “pals” at KELO, she actually resides in “Hudsonland”. Ok, she’s from Cedar Falls, but if they can file a report from Nebraska and call the subject a “KELO-Land” resident, then Chelsia’s hometown clearly fits my geographic boundaries.
Ok, so at 21 she’s a bit young for this chubby old dude. But, get this – she loves older guys! And dive bars! And loud music! Plus she describes herself as a “party girl”! Can it get any better?
Her activities in the house certainly fit the party girl description. She immediately hooked up with James, the Mohawk-ed punk rock bicyclist (who has a dirty little secret involving a video camera and another male), and has spent the majority of her time in the house in a little bikini. One drunken night, Chelsia and another female in the house ended up doing a strip show that culminated with almost everybody making out with each other in the pool.
So why am I talking about my dream girl in a segment usually devoted to me whining about politicians and other cretins? Well, in about twelve hours the dream will be over. Earlier this week, an uneducated, born-again, former stripper with two abortions to her name convinced this week’s Head of Household, Adam, to nominate her and James for eviction. James was able to save himself, so it’s inevitable that my girl Chelsia will be leaving the house, and the show, on tonight’s episode.
It’s a sad, sad day for me. How am I supposed to carry on watching not only the CBS broadcasts but 24-hour live feeds without being able to see the beautiful and talented Chelsia? How am I going to continue to endure the screeching voices of the remaining bimbos? Well, I’m a trooper, I guess, so I’ll carry on with my duties. But I miss her already.