I Hate the Heat!

Is it really Tuesday night once again? Oh God, I’ve got to come up with a few hundred words to read on the air tomorrow. I’d rather just drink myself to oblivion. Ok, maybe I’ll do that anyway. (As Beavis once said, “yeah, yeah, that’s not a bad idea”.)
Yet I really have nothing. Absolutely positively nothing. Well, that’s not entirely true, as there are always plenty of people and things that piss me off. It would be so easy to go off on the constant, seemingly 24-hour coverage of last week’s Elijah Paige execution. Really, is there now anything that we don’t know about each and every aspect of Paige’s life, his conviction, and the actual execution? How many times must we see that video where he confesses his crimes? Do we really need to know the recipe of the prescription cocktail that was administered into his body? Who cares that this cretin refused to make a statement before he was killed? (This was the very moment I wished Ms. Can-she-eat was the person on the table. The anger in her voice as she read the opening in this story was straight out of the Nancy Grace show.)
Going on about that case, though, just doesn’t feel right, especially a week after the story (or more honestly, Paige’s life) ended. I’m pretty dead set against the death penalty, especially since most studies indicate that it hasn’t worked as a deterrent to commit murder and other executable crimes. Yet if anybody deserved to have his life ended, it was Paige.
As I go through the list of other deserved candidates, one item keeps springing up. It’s not a person or place. It’s something that we see every year at this time of the year, and if Al Gore is correct it’s a situation that’s only going to get worse.
Yes, my rant today is about the heat. I hate it. I shouldn’t sweat by doing what I do naturally – sitting on my flabby white ass. My monthly electric bills shouldn’t go up by over $100 just to keep me barely comfortable.
It’s been so damned hot these past few days that I can’t even enjoy the one thing I love about summer – hot young women wearing next to nothing. Yes, Jenna the Jeep has air conditioning, but by the time it gets cool I’m at my destination. Summer stinks.
What’s worse is that I had a goal for this summer – I really wanted to look halfway presentable for my trip out east. Here I am going out to hang out with dozens of my internet friends, and I couldn’t be more pasty and flabby. I had it all planned out – I was going to bike every day (or almost every day) and actually eat food that was good for me. Ah yeah, I was dreaming. Thanks to these weather conditions, I have no desire to do anything but drink whiskey cokes while surfing for porn in my bachelor chair. OMG, I hate my life.
I’m begging the weather gods (Shawn, are you listening?) to do something about these conditions. Please, please, please lower the temps by at least 20 degrees. I can deal with the low 80’s. I’d prefer the low 70’s, but I don’t want to be unrealistic. Give us some rain once in a while, so I don’t have to confer with the calendar before turning on my sprinklers. (Note to television stations and the daily paper – enough with the lawn watering stories.) Better yet – give me a hot young single mother in the home next door or behind me so I have some eye candy to get me through these depressing days.


Anonymous said…
Never mind the heat, what do you know about KELO not renewing Shawn Cable's contract?
Scott said…
Well, I knew that his contract was expiring. A few weeks ago, I actually advised him to look at KSFY as an anchor. He didn't seem too worried, though.

It's not really that surprising, though (and I'm not saying that as a knock on him). Young Broadcasting is notoriously cheap; look at how many of their better people disappeared in the years immediately after Midco sold them. I know he was making pretty good money for this market, so I don't think it's anything more than a budget cut.

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