Boston Sports Fans Stink!

This morning, I received the greatest news I’d heard in quite some time.
After I stumbled into my office, I immediately fired up my online XM player and jumped onto the Paltalk video conferencing program to listen and watch the Opie and Anthony Show. The topic at the time was a report that New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady was suspended for four games for steroids.
Oh My God. It was a dream come true.
But it was also too good to be real. Although mainstream media sources across the country picked up on the story, it turned out to be a hoax. O&A had decided that Tuesday was “Make Up the News Day”, or something silly like that, and had even announced it was not true when they first told the story.
Now my day went from elation to disappointment…just like most of my day to day life. I hate, hate, hate the Patriots. Well, to be fair I hate the fans of the Pats. Hell, I hate the fans of all Boston sports teams. They are by far the most arrogant, self-centered jerks I’ve ever encountered in my decades of following sports.
Ok, they have some reason to be arrogant these days. The Red Sox just won the World Series, and halfway through the season the Patriots are on an amazing run. And the additions of Ray Allen and Kevin Garnett have given Celtics fans the first legitimate hope of a title run in well over a decade.
Boston sports fans, though, are over the top in their babbling. They pontificate for hours and hours about their teams, and will not accept that anybody could possibly follow any other team. Please help me to never hear the words “Red Sox Nation” ever again. I hated when the Cowboys called themselves America’s Team; I detested Oakland when they were Raider Nation. Yes, the “Sawx” have a bigger national presence then they’ve ever previously had, but I would bet that the majority of non-Northeasterners are nothing more then bandwagon jumpers that will suddenly be fans of another team next year.
The Patriots fans are by far the worst, however. To these assclowns, head cheater Bill Belichick invented the game. Let me throw out a few names to shut them up – George Halas, Paul Brown, Vince Lombardi, Tom Landry, Bill Walsh.
Maybe this year’s Patriots will run the table and become the first 19 – 0 team. We’re a long way from that moment, though, and one has to admit that they’re assisted by playing in the weakest division in the league. The Dolphins may be the worst team of all time, and the Jets and Bills aren’t much better. Looking ahead at their schedule, only the Steelers have any real shot at defeating them, although the Giants and Eagles could pull out an upset. (Actually, I bet that at least one team does surprise them at some point, or a key injury or two could create a late season slump.)
One great thing will be accomplished if they go all the way, however. The whining members of the ’72 Dolphins will finally go away. I’ve never seen a successful team with such an inferiority complex. Every year at this time they come out of the woodworks to complain about the last unbeaten NFL team. In their eyes, nobody can measure up to them. Nobody can take away their accomplishments, but people forget that they had an even easier situation then this year’s Patriots. New England, New York, Buffalo, and Baltimore were all beyond awful. In fact, the teams they played that year had a combined record of 70-108-4. It’s certainly still quite an achievement, but I really don’t think you can compare them to the ’85 Bears, the late-70’s Steelers and Cowboys, the 60’s Packers, or the late-50’s Giants and Colts…to name just a few classic teams. I wish I could include the Vikings in this list, but I guess I’ve become used to being frustrated. I guess you could argue that being aggravated by my sports teams fits in perfectly with my mental, emotional, and sexual frustrations. I stink.


Anonymous said…
The Dolphins may be the worst team of all time??? Don't be picking on my 'Phins Scott, they have enough problems. But I'd have to say the Bucs of '76 were worse.
Anonymous said…
You calling anyone arrogant is the epitome of the pot calling the kettle black.

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