Introducing the unauthorized KELOLAND Storm Watch Drinking Game: Winter Edition

This game was forwarded to me by Cade from the KRRO. I was inspired enough to add a few of my own rules:

1. Every time Angela Kenneke says "burrrr" after the forecast - Take 1 drink and blink 10 times.
2. Whenever Scott Mundt converts snowfall to rainfall amounts - Take shot of peppermint schnapps.
3. The last person to yell PEDOPHILE when Shawn Cable announces "bus stop weather" - Takes 1 drink.
4. Whenever a car honks at the "how's the weather on the street" reporter - Take 1 drink (Down your beer, if the reporter gets splashed or blown over).
5. Every time Jay Trobec says, "it's colder because there is snow cover" - Take 1 small sip.
6. Whenever the KELOLAND Forecast Team is shown huddled up in the STORM CENTER - Have a group-hug and never speak of it again to anyone.
7. Whenever reporter throws glass of water into the air to see if it freezes - Dump beer on person to your immediate right.
8. Whenever Kevin Smith from Public Works is interviewed live from City Hall about what the plows are doing, how much de-icer is being applied to the streets, how much is left in the snow budget or which zone they are towing cars - Take a shot of minty Rumplemins.
9. Every time Brian Karstens reminds you to watch "Murder You Wrote", "Madlock" or "Touched by an Angel" on HDTV - take a drink and ask yourself, "Why is the weather guy telling me what to watch?"
• Keep plenty of beer on hand throughout the winter in case KELO-TV interrupts regularly scheduled programming for extended STORM OF THE CENTURY coverage.
• If you followed KELO cub-reporter emergency kit guidance, take the frozen can of pineapple from the your trunk of your car to mix a delicious, tropical cocktail.
• Don't worry if there is no severe weather occurring. KELOLAND will still provide the most up to date, accurate, extreme weather coverage in the eighteen state region.
Hopefully, these simple, but effective rules will turn your storm encounters into a much more enjoyable experience. Look for the new, exciting KELOLAND "Will the Sun Come Up Tommorrow?" drinking game at an Ace Hardware Store near you soon. Also available in paperback from K-Land Publishing is the autobiography, "Hemingweight: The Memoirs, Thoughts and Unsolicited Opinions of an Overweight and Lonely Retired Newsman" and the scandalous tell-all, "Do We Really Want to Know What's in Bobbi's Closet?"

Hudson’s All-Weather Additions

I would like to thank whoever came up with this game, but I have a few other ideas that can be included even when there’s not a storm alert. But does that ever occur? It seems to me that KELO’s studio was the training grounds for the Department of Homeland Security’s silly little color codes. By the way, are we currently in red, green, or aqua?
1. Whenever Shawn Cable advises us on what to wear, everybody has to take off one article of clothing.
2. Whenever there’s a “team report” that’s actually nothing more than a camera angle change between stories, everybody must pass their drink to the right.
3. When Jaine Andrews or Whitney Beam tells us about an exciting new drug for seniors, pop a pill of your choice.
4. Jump to your feet and sing “YMCA” when “Gay-tive”-American Andy Harvey does his nightly West River story. Follow that up with a blended foo-foo drink.
5. If the pimply-faced new Beavis-clone intern does a story, start talking in Beavis-speak. “Yeah, yeah, Butthead, that’s cool”.
6. Call your drug dealer whenever there’s a “KELO connection”.
7. Guzzle a forty-ouncer whenever any KELO reporter pulls out the gang member card, or when the perp walk footage is primarily minorities.
8. Boone’s Farm for everybody when Doug Lund does a puff-piece on any small-town business.
9. Cristal for everybody when their vapid sports reporters rip off ESPN catch-phrases. Those idiots make terminally white Dan Patrick sound like Snoop Dogg.
10. To ensure that you’re drunk by the end of the broadcast, or if you have a high tolerance, take a sip any time their favorite sponsors – Sioux Valley, Wells Fargo, McKennan – are somehow worked into a story. You can also soak up your liquor with a big slice of pizza whenever there’s a story on that fat guy…and I don’t mean Hemmingsen.


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