No, I Don't Want Your (Insert Cashier Pitch Here)

After a few weeks of taking pot shots at the people who make decisions that affect all of us, today I’m going to rant about something that pisses me off on a daily basis. Yes, it’s all about me today.
But I really doubt that it’s just me that is annoyed by the practices that I’m about to describe. It seems obvious to me that quite a few people are going to agree with me.
Ok, ok, I’ll get to it.
I’m one of those people who doesn’t like to be bothered when I’m anywhere besides a bar. At this point in my life I can’t even contemplate grocery shopping without one of my Ipods…and wearing it everywhere else, including the bars, is not totally out of the question.
I want to make my purchases, or do whatever business I’m doing, and leave. Get me through the checkout and on my way.
Yet it’s becoming close to impossible to make a quiet purchase these days. At Best Buy they go on and on about magazines or credit card deals. Hey, morons, I already have a card for your store, and if I desired one of those four rags I’d already be getting them. Let me get home to watch my four-disc uncensored Cheaters box set.
It’s like this everywhere these days. K-Mart wants to sell me a Sears card (which makes no sense to me at all); Barnes and Noble have their discount card; even local coffee shops (except Black Sheep) try to push some junk on me. No, no, no.
Even the banks are getting into the act. Everybody knows how much I love my bank, particularly the branch at 26th and Minnesota. Well, I should amend that because all of my dream tellers have moved on to other locations or have done stupid things like get married and have kids. Some new babes have come in, but I seem to always get the dudes or the old ladies. C’mon, I live for watching eye candy count money.
Ok, I’m drifting away from the topic of the day. My bank has now gotten into this awful game of bothering me with crap I don’t want. I can’t go through the drive through these days without hearing about some special deal on shopper’s cards and high-rate CD’s. Please, the only CD’s I want are found at my other stops throughout town.
Yet it’s not just add-on sales pitches that are frustrating me these days. Technology is supposed to make things quicker and more efficient. The opposite is happening, as I found out a few weeks ago. I had forgotten to grab a deposit slip, so I was completely prepared to show an ID to verify that the checks that I had signed to put into the same account as the name on said checks were indeed mine. We’re talking 10 seconds additional time at most.
No, this became a fifteen minute ordeal. First, I was required to check in with my bank card. The problem is that I never use my bank card at ATM’s, so I had no idea what my PIN is. I’ve never needed it, and never will again. So I had to go through the process of selecting one, and verifying it, and then re-entering it one more time.
After this nightmare was completed, I swear the teller was writing my life story as she typed away. Since my new PIN number had successfully opened my account, should there have been anything more than entering an amount and clicking deposit? She pecked away for another five minutes or so before going into a sales pitch about that week’s special CD rate. Oh my God! (Or OMG, as the kids like to call it.) I could have downed two or three whiskey-cokes in the time it took me to get out of there.
Here’s a little note to all retailers. I know you’re not selling many Sports Illustrated subscriptions, or double value points…or not enough to pay for the training and time it’s costing you. The quicker you get us out of there, the more customers you can move in and out of your store. You’ll have shorter lines, and maybe you wouldn’t need so many cashiers working at any given time. It’s a win/win for all of us, and I beg you all to think about this before I become even more of a hermit and just do all of my shopping and banking online.


SouthDaCola said…
So funny you bring this up, I go to the same branch, it is so bad that I actually go to the farthest south drive thru, stick the money in the tube, and when they say hi to me I say "No receipt please, bye!" And drive away before they can say anything else. One day they trapped me, gave me the spiel, and asked if I had any questions, and I said, "Do you know what I want? I want my line of credit interest rate reduced" The teller grabbed a banker and the banker told me I was getting a good rate, and there was nothing he could do, So I said "Then NEVER EVER make me an OFFER and ask if I have any questions. Some of us are on tight lunch schedule and don't have time for your Jehovah Witness bother time."

Anonymous said…
Having worked in a bank for going on 5 years now, I have said that over and over again...Customers don't like to be bothered with that crap, and if they wanted tellers to be salespeople, they ought to start paying them commissions.
Anonymous said…
Not quite the same thing here... but here is what is getting on my nerves lately. Pulling into the Taco Bell drive-thru and having the person say "Hey, how ya doing?" and nothing else. Uh, I'm fine, can I order now?
Anonymous said…
i'd like to know why the taco bell drive through by target doesn't have diet mt dew, but they do inside. and why someone can't just walk out to the front and fill a cup with diet dew!

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