Dave and De to Pierre? Please!

For the first time ever, I really wish I could vote in next month's primaries. Because I refuse to recognize either the Democrats or Republicans as organizations worthy of anything but scorn, I never will be able to participate in these normally worthless charades.

But goddamn, I wish I could enter the voting booth next month to cast my vote for Republican gubernatorial candidate Dave Knudson. Not that I find him a worthy candidate. Well, I guess he's not so bad, and anything is better than the organized family syndicate that has enriched the Rounds family coffers the past eight years.

Trust me, it's certainly not his ad campaign that has won me over. In fact, the Mr. Fixit series of commercials is beyond embarrassing. Which ever marketing company conceived these idiotic, non-humorous spots should be fired immediately. Having said that, though, they are a minor step above Dennis Daugaard's sleep-inducing family history promos.

My main reason for wanting to support Knudson is simply because I can finally cry victory in one of my main goals of the last few years. Yes, I'm being selfish here, but I can almost grasp the gratification that would come if everything plays out as I desire.

It's very simple - a vote for Dave means a vote to rid our city of De. That sentence almost has a hint of poetry to it. I know it's going to be my mantra for the next few weeks.

Ok, granted that De's finished as a City Councilor (thank god!), and it's unlikely that she'll ever run for political office again. That's not enough for me, though. We really need to get her off of the potholed streets that she helped create. Let Pierre have that Moe Howard haircut for a few years.

I must warn the voters, though, that she's not going to go quietly. She certainly didn't leave City Hall without one last blast of idiocy (along with a final, unpublicized "no" vote). In last Sunday's daily paper, Ms Knudson was asked to contribute some words of wisdom for the newly elected Mayor and City Council members. Of course, they were as self-serving as anything she's ever done, and really highlighted just why she was a waste of a space on the Council:

1. Be yourself.

2. Answer constituents’ e-mails and phone calls immediately.

3. Work closely with the mayor’s office to actually get things done.

4. Know that you can contact the mayor and every department director when you need answers to anything.

5. Continue to enhance the collaborative efforts among the Minnehaha and Lincoln County commissioners.

6. Remember that you are just a part-time city councilor and not more than that.

7. Laugh once in a while at yourself.

8. Watch lots of Channel 16.

9. Keep a scrapbook or files on every imaginable topic from the very beginning.

10. Work hard to move the city forward.

11. Get to know the new legislators and try once again to convince them to allow cities to vote on an optional one penny sales tax for badly needed projects across the state.

12. Be honest.

13. Be a team player.

14. Avoid showboating.

15. Spend taxpayers’ money wisely.

16. Remember those who are not as fortunate as you are.

17. Find time for quality time with your families during these four years.

18. Learn as much as you can about this great city.

19. Enjoy the great diversity of topics you will handle.

20. Remember that I will be watching you closely and wishing you the best always.

A couple of comments on this drivel. She certainly believed in point #3, as she absolutely never went against her beloved Mayor McMushmouth. I also think there was a typo in point #8, as she was known for watching lots of TV while on the council but I don't think CNN is on channel 16.

The real doozy, though, is point #11. Despite the public opinion polls, and the quick yet stunning defeat in Pierre, she still is determined to get our city's sales tax raised. This is especially humorous when her husband's main platform for running for Governor is that he's going to cut taxes and reduce spending.

Fine folks of Pierre, you can have Ms Knudson. In fact, I beg you to take her off our hands for as long as possible. One word of warning, however. She does like to jog in a sports bra. Trust me, you're going to want to avert your eyes if she comes running your way.

-- Post From My iPad


Popular Posts