The War is Over...Or Is It?

Regular readers of this blog probably know that for the past decade or so Hudsonland has been in a war with another “land”. Over those years I’ve utilized the resources of the print and radio mediums to convey the powerful message of Hudsonland. At times, I’ve been forced to use guerilla tactics, including top secret double-notch spies (ala Jethro Bodine), but I’ve mainly been nothing more than a pest.
Yet many feel that Hudsonland has been winning this long-winded war. As leader of Hudsonland, I’ve kept these bastards on their toes while also spreading my words of hope. They’ll never fess up, but some of their more dastardly stunts, including marathon coverage of minor weather flare-ups, have decreased not only in terms of quantity but annoyance level.
Yet unbeknownst to Hudsonland’s leader, talks opened up between representatives of Hudsonland and the “other land”. Why this happened I don’t know, as I would have never authorized any sort of cease fire. In fact, I had planned to spend some time with members of our President’s security team in order to learn how to bend the Constitution just a little bit to allow some wiretapping and other types of information-gathering.
Unfortunately, an agreement was recently reached effectively ending the longest war in Sioux Falls media history. Under the terms of this contract, Hudsonland is no longer allowed to use weapons of oral destruction against the “other land” on the airwaves of KRRO radio.
This is obviously a devastating blow to the dictator of Hudsonland and his tens of minions. The pressure of coming up with weekly five minute rants is upped considerably when the easiest target is taken away. How can my people possibly refrain from ranting about coverage of teens, puppy mills, road construction, tourism, and new senior drugs? How can we refrain from commenting on  the stutters, hair (or lack of hair) concerns, beady eyes, clothing choices, and sexual preferences of their reporters?
It’s really almost like when MTV responded to the stories of people without cable television burning down their trailers by banning Beavis from saying “fire”. Remember how that worked? They’d play a music video that featured some flames, and Beavis would begin to shake and stutter. Butthead would have to calm him down by saying, “don’t do it, Beavis”, before slapping him on the back of the head. (Ok, I’m getting a little scared – I kind of am a middle-aged Sioux Falls version of Beavis.)
Members of Hudsonland – don’t be sad. The “other land” may be proclaiming “Mission Accomplished” but I guarantee that this war is far from over. The traditional battlefield of over-the-air radio may have been stifled, but insurgents will continue to fight this war. You can count on to carry on this battle, with the assistance of allies such as local artist “Detroit Lewis” and other Hudsonland residents. The pests will not be deterred!


Anonymous said…
just a guess--kelo tv's gm tells barndoor broadcasting's gm, "tell hudson to quit outing our reporters, or tom mitchell can't have sex with shawn cable anymore"?
Anonymous said…
i saw that matt balanger at that syrian restraunt one saturday wearing-i swear-women's shoes. then i also saw him at that bath soap place in the mall. i wonder if him and andi harvey have dated.
Anonymous said…
It surprises me that Matt would wear women's shoes. He is definately a top, and well, Andy is definately a bottom. what do you think Shaun is?
Anonymous said…
Oh man...calling local celebrities gay! That's hilarious, guys!
Anonymous said…
Ah ... they ARE gay! Duh!
Anonymous said…
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Anonymous said…
i would say that shawn is probably able perform oral sex on himself, and thinks he gives himself the best head.
Anonymous said…
The Hudson Empire will last well on into eternity and rightly so after the management geeks tried to snatch your 1st amendment rights.

Right rules over might.
Anonymous said…
The funniest part of the whole guys refer to these b-squad journalists as "celebrities"...seriously, they work in Sioux Falls, South Dakota. They make $25,000 a year, maybe. Trust me, these kids are NOT celebrities.
As a former KELOlander, I can tell you there's nothing glamorous about working in a basement newsroom or sitting in front of a camera. It's just a job.

And no I won't comment on anyone's preferences. Feel free to ask, though.

Scott, keep up the good work. I've enjoyed your stuff since I was a part of the other 'land'.

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