I Hate Anna Nicole and All of the Bottom-Feeders Living Off Her Death
Monday morning, I was trying to get through the workday by listening to Opie and Anthony on XM radio. Shortly before the conclusion of their broadcast, they cut to a live broadcast of a press conference that promised to reveal the results of Anna Nicole Smiths’s autopsy.
Normally, I would have just turned off the radio at that point as the less I know of that idiot the better. But knowing that the pair (along with comic Lil’ Jimmy Norton) would undoubtedly add their own unique (and frequently tasteless) commentary, I stuck with it.
I wish I hadn’t. Some government official took the stage first and babbled on and on without providing any information. He then took questions, although the answer to any query resulted in a “the coroner will have provide you this information”.
Finally, the star of the day, the coroner, took the stage. I think somebody fed him some false information, though, as he seemed to think that he had just won an Oscar or Grammy. Instead of just spending two minutes (or less) with the results of the autopsy, this bureaucrat proceeded to thank anybody and everybody who had something to do with the various procedures done to the bimbo’s body. How and why were so many people involved? It makes absolutely no sense, and who exactly cares what their names are?
Twenty minutes later, this segment of the proceedings finally ended, but the coroner was still not ready to provide any answers. No, he then went into an extended biography of the life of Anna Nicole. Who doesn’t know her story? If you don’t, more power to you.
Finally, almost an hour into this press conference, the coroner was ready for his money shot. How anticlimactic; she had a bunch of prescribed drugs in her bloodstream, and died of an accidental overdose. Excuse me while I yawn.
I just want somebody to explain to me why I (or anybody else) need to hear anything about this woman. She had absolutely no talent at anything. Her career arc consists of appearing in Playboy, gaining weight, marrying a billionaire who dies with a disputed will, gaining more weight, starring in an unwatchable fake reality show, losing weight, and screwing any number of men who may or may not be the father of the kid who was born right before her death.
Despite these questionable credentials, the media has treated her death not unlike KELO treats rain clouds. For weeks now, we’ve had her story pushed down our throats. What should be nothing more than fodder for the National Enquirer became the focus for even the most respected news programs (if there is such a thing).
Where oh where can one find real news these days? Remember, there is a war going on. There’s a growing concern with another country that could turn into a second war. Our civil rights are being watered down more and more every day, and our elected officials on both sides of the fence have sold us out with little notice. White House scandals do have a place on the cable channels, but they’re reduced to screaming matches between paid-off “experts” that alternate between desiring public hangings and proclaiming sainthood.
All of these topics and more should dominate news programming, yet we’re stuck hearing the latest rumors involving a bimbo who’s IQ couldn’t have been higher than 80. Yet there’s no sign of the fake news disappearing anytime soon as we now move into the paternity portion of the miniseries. Seemingly every D-level millionaire will have their 15 minutes of CNN time in the coming few weeks. And if this story ever ends, we can count on Donald Trump, Britney, or Paris to pull some silly stunt to begin the next sweeps period.
Normally, I would have just turned off the radio at that point as the less I know of that idiot the better. But knowing that the pair (along with comic Lil’ Jimmy Norton) would undoubtedly add their own unique (and frequently tasteless) commentary, I stuck with it.
I wish I hadn’t. Some government official took the stage first and babbled on and on without providing any information. He then took questions, although the answer to any query resulted in a “the coroner will have provide you this information”.
Finally, the star of the day, the coroner, took the stage. I think somebody fed him some false information, though, as he seemed to think that he had just won an Oscar or Grammy. Instead of just spending two minutes (or less) with the results of the autopsy, this bureaucrat proceeded to thank anybody and everybody who had something to do with the various procedures done to the bimbo’s body. How and why were so many people involved? It makes absolutely no sense, and who exactly cares what their names are?
Twenty minutes later, this segment of the proceedings finally ended, but the coroner was still not ready to provide any answers. No, he then went into an extended biography of the life of Anna Nicole. Who doesn’t know her story? If you don’t, more power to you.
Finally, almost an hour into this press conference, the coroner was ready for his money shot. How anticlimactic; she had a bunch of prescribed drugs in her bloodstream, and died of an accidental overdose. Excuse me while I yawn.
I just want somebody to explain to me why I (or anybody else) need to hear anything about this woman. She had absolutely no talent at anything. Her career arc consists of appearing in Playboy, gaining weight, marrying a billionaire who dies with a disputed will, gaining more weight, starring in an unwatchable fake reality show, losing weight, and screwing any number of men who may or may not be the father of the kid who was born right before her death.
Despite these questionable credentials, the media has treated her death not unlike KELO treats rain clouds. For weeks now, we’ve had her story pushed down our throats. What should be nothing more than fodder for the National Enquirer became the focus for even the most respected news programs (if there is such a thing).
Where oh where can one find real news these days? Remember, there is a war going on. There’s a growing concern with another country that could turn into a second war. Our civil rights are being watered down more and more every day, and our elected officials on both sides of the fence have sold us out with little notice. White House scandals do have a place on the cable channels, but they’re reduced to screaming matches between paid-off “experts” that alternate between desiring public hangings and proclaiming sainthood.
All of these topics and more should dominate news programming, yet we’re stuck hearing the latest rumors involving a bimbo who’s IQ couldn’t have been higher than 80. Yet there’s no sign of the fake news disappearing anytime soon as we now move into the paternity portion of the miniseries. Seemingly every D-level millionaire will have their 15 minutes of CNN time in the coming few weeks. And if this story ever ends, we can count on Donald Trump, Britney, or Paris to pull some silly stunt to begin the next sweeps period.
Comments
Oh and I wouldn't speculate on her I.Q. if I were you.